i want to laugh and dance and be happy. i want to go to Hawaii and eat my lunches IN THE SEA!
I want to take pictures and learn EVERYTHING about photography! I want to have my own exhibitions one day. I want to travel around the world and see the all of the wonders of the world.
Oh Japan! Abu Dhabi! Congo! Kazakhstan! Paris! Brazil! Rio De Janiero! Alaska! Texas! Las Vegas! Bali island! Jamaica! Philippines! Papua New Guinea! Bhutan! Finland- Lapland! Johannesburg!
..oh theres so many of them! I want to sing and i want to play guitar and drums and i want to dance! dance! dance! I want to eat good food and try other culture dishes. i want to have long conversations about life and world and i want to stay up all night and enjoy the darkness and go to swim with moonlight and smile and then do a fire in the beach and cook sausages. And then dance! dance! dance! And then run to the water and swim with dolphins and feel free!
I want to be in a beach house and drink fresh oringe juice in a morning and feeeeeel love!
I want to read books, listen music all day, take photos! photos! photos! and then go to exhibitions and museums and little cafes with lovely muffins and cheesecakes!
i want to pick berrys from my grandmothers garden and then go to wood and hug the trees and laugh! i want to take a cat and i want to help animals!
i want to wake up with sunrise in middle of nowhere in a farm and go to milk cows and run withs sheepS...!
i want to run out from the house when its raining and i want to enjoy the smell of the rain and dance in the rain!
i want to ski and after sit in the house where is a fireplace and the drink hot choclate and wear woolsocks and be happy!
i want to go...! i want to fly...! i want to jump...! and i want to BE VISIBLE!
i want to pack my bag, pack my camera and go....~!
i want lots of light...~! lots of sugar...~! and lots of laugh...~!
i want everything to be simple and want to keep away from the vampires....~!
i want to BE.
I want to be free....!
Saturday 28 February 2009
aiaiaiaiaiai
this is Waterford!
... i was kickboxing on Friday evening... some training! i was half-dead after. im not in form at all! today i was in Waterford all day and now im in bed and cant move! because my muscles are killing me...~! Aiiiaiaiiaiaiiiiiiiaiiaiaiaiaiaiia. Now i have no power to go to even dance.... uiiiuiiiiiuiii~~!!!!
shop...shop.. shoppping!!
I love Hasna~!Friday 27 February 2009
Monday 23 February 2009
Sunday 22 February 2009
...portraits part 2
I made more portraits today. Julie and Rajesh were my models this week. Thanks a lot for them! Will upload their portraits soon :)
My Lenses
.. i ordered from China. Im happy. Not much control over them but they are very experimental anyway.
So heres my first try with my new macro lens- waiting for a spring already! I got fishyeye lens as well, post these pics later..:)
PS Click on the picture to open it bigger!
So heres my first try with my new macro lens- waiting for a spring already! I got fishyeye lens as well, post these pics later..:)
PS Click on the picture to open it bigger!
I Have An Answer
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
JOHN LENNON
*********************************************************
i am a dreamer. i was looking for the answer. there were so many questions and thoughts and doubts. i was reading and researching and talking to people because i wanted to know so much! finally i did find it.
ok i have an answer. here it is.
...our brain is not developed enough to understand this world and this system. humans are not able to understand the things that are not explainable with science or physics or maths or whatever.
So if you want to know how this world started and how UFOs are living and how is life after death then probably your brain cant take it. it would give you the message NOT RESPONDING... like a computer. Basically we are like a computers. Dont click too many buttons too fast and at the same time.
Its actually very simple. I am an easy girl.
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
JOHN LENNON
*********************************************************
i am a dreamer. i was looking for the answer. there were so many questions and thoughts and doubts. i was reading and researching and talking to people because i wanted to know so much! finally i did find it.
ok i have an answer. here it is.
...our brain is not developed enough to understand this world and this system. humans are not able to understand the things that are not explainable with science or physics or maths or whatever.
So if you want to know how this world started and how UFOs are living and how is life after death then probably your brain cant take it. it would give you the message NOT RESPONDING... like a computer. Basically we are like a computers. Dont click too many buttons too fast and at the same time.
Its actually very simple. I am an easy girl.
Monday 16 February 2009
My First Portait Shoot :)
So i got myself together and had my first portrait shoot last weekend :) I had this idea long time ago to make photos of my colleagues as i am working in international company, we have lots of different nationalities together here in Ireland. So its a good opportunity that i didn't want to waste.
Here are my first victims: Azamat from Kazakhstan and Hasna from Tunisia. Thanking them so much for being my first models :)
Sunday 8 February 2009
Memory. Memories.
I was speaking with my grandmother today. I told her that i feel strange lately. Its like i have a problem with my memory. At work im doing stupid things and i am forgetting simple things. Like couple of weeks ago i was forgetting something really important at work... i had finished a particular job but i wanted to start doing this again because i forgot that i already had done it. I remembered eventually....
Also i feel like sometimes im working like a robot. Its like im not thinking, i just want to get all done quickly. But this leads to really stupid mistakes and unlogical moves.
Probably im overworked. "Probably i need to go to doctors," told me my grandmother.
She also said something i didnt think myself. She said that i might have these kind of concentration problems because of the things that have been happening with me within last year... She was talking aout my relationships. My last relationship was tough. Its true. There are things that are not easy and it ended in a very bad way.
Generally i feel good and happy. My granny said that maybe my unconcious is tricking me or something... Then i was thinking about the dream i saw last night. This reminded me a little bit my last relationship. Same way i was feeling love and hate at the same time. In my last relationship it was first time when i felt such a strong feelings to somebody. This was the reason why started this blog. I felt such a huge need for expressing myself. All of the stories i have written last year are about my relatonship that ended just few days before christmas.
And im telling this all now.
Probably it still hurts...
At the moment im just doing my thing. And i dont know how to let it out. But i am trying. Should i pay attention to all this? Or should i let it go?
Time Off Please.
Also i feel like sometimes im working like a robot. Its like im not thinking, i just want to get all done quickly. But this leads to really stupid mistakes and unlogical moves.
Probably im overworked. "Probably i need to go to doctors," told me my grandmother.
She also said something i didnt think myself. She said that i might have these kind of concentration problems because of the things that have been happening with me within last year... She was talking aout my relationships. My last relationship was tough. Its true. There are things that are not easy and it ended in a very bad way.
Generally i feel good and happy. My granny said that maybe my unconcious is tricking me or something... Then i was thinking about the dream i saw last night. This reminded me a little bit my last relationship. Same way i was feeling love and hate at the same time. In my last relationship it was first time when i felt such a strong feelings to somebody. This was the reason why started this blog. I felt such a huge need for expressing myself. All of the stories i have written last year are about my relatonship that ended just few days before christmas.
And im telling this all now.
Probably it still hurts...
At the moment im just doing my thing. And i dont know how to let it out. But i am trying. Should i pay attention to all this? Or should i let it go?
Time Off Please.
Stress and Strange Dreams
...just a light one. Not that killing stress. Its that kind of a stress that is bringing you on not putting you down.
I need to do more, more, more and MORE.
********************************************************************************
I had a strange dream tonight. I was walking in the mall with my husband (obviously i do not have a husband or not even a boyfriend in my life at the moment)... and he was going to look something like a special cheese or whatever... and when he came back he was bringing a child with him and told me "Look darling, i found a daughter for us," and smiling happily. I felt good about it but for a second i was feeling strange shadow running across my mind. But just for a second and then it was gone.
So we left from the mall to go back to home and we took a walk through the town. Little girl was jumping around and playing happily. Again, i felt that same strange shadow crossing my mind.
And i again i let it go within a second. I even noted that people kept looking us while we were walking.
By that time when we arrived home i was alone. My husband was gone away and i never saw him again. It was only me and my mall-daughter. I loved her but at the same time i got these one-second shadows crossing my mind and i felt guilty about these because i didnt know why do i feel it, even though i knew everything had gone down-the-hill after we had found that little girl: i knew that i had lost my husband, i was living in a very poor apartment. And i seemed to have only one obsession- my hate and my love- this little girl. In my heart i knew something is not right and i knew something had changed rapidly in my life...
At THAT night i put my daughter to bed. Looking her while she was sleeping she seemed so calm and so beautiful... And then i felt like i didnt want her to wake up anymore. Again, i felt guilty about this thought....
Leaving her to sleep i was going outside to get some fresh air and enjoy the silence and peace. Suddenly isaw a red light. It was coming from the room where my baby girl was sleeping! Fire! There was a fire! In THAT room! How.....?!
Quickly i was running to save my girl but when i reached to the room there was no fire. In fact there was even no burning smell. I was checking out my daughters bed- she was lying there..... oh my god! She was half burned! She wasnt the same girl anymore! Then i took my lighter and i started lighting the room. I wanted to burn the whole room. I was lighting the curtains, her luttle blanket.... Evrything seemed to take the fire at first... but it stopped eventually.
I ran out of the house to look help from my neighbours. I couldnt reach anyone. I was standing outside, in cold, half naked, wearing only my nightclothes.... There was noone to answer me. I was crying....
I went back home. And what i saw?! There were all of my neighbors! They were playing with my little daughter. I was looking at her face and it was unreal! She was looking at me half smiling, her face was melting.... her eyes looked dead and her skin was like a wax. I kept looking and everybody were around her and they kept hugging her and smiling to her and playing with her.
I looked away for a second and when i looked back again i saw a beautiful innocent face of a little child again.
**************************************************************************
I need to do more, more, more and MORE.
********************************************************************************
I had a strange dream tonight. I was walking in the mall with my husband (obviously i do not have a husband or not even a boyfriend in my life at the moment)... and he was going to look something like a special cheese or whatever... and when he came back he was bringing a child with him and told me "Look darling, i found a daughter for us," and smiling happily. I felt good about it but for a second i was feeling strange shadow running across my mind. But just for a second and then it was gone.
So we left from the mall to go back to home and we took a walk through the town. Little girl was jumping around and playing happily. Again, i felt that same strange shadow crossing my mind.
And i again i let it go within a second. I even noted that people kept looking us while we were walking.
By that time when we arrived home i was alone. My husband was gone away and i never saw him again. It was only me and my mall-daughter. I loved her but at the same time i got these one-second shadows crossing my mind and i felt guilty about these because i didnt know why do i feel it, even though i knew everything had gone down-the-hill after we had found that little girl: i knew that i had lost my husband, i was living in a very poor apartment. And i seemed to have only one obsession- my hate and my love- this little girl. In my heart i knew something is not right and i knew something had changed rapidly in my life...
At THAT night i put my daughter to bed. Looking her while she was sleeping she seemed so calm and so beautiful... And then i felt like i didnt want her to wake up anymore. Again, i felt guilty about this thought....
Leaving her to sleep i was going outside to get some fresh air and enjoy the silence and peace. Suddenly isaw a red light. It was coming from the room where my baby girl was sleeping! Fire! There was a fire! In THAT room! How.....?!
Quickly i was running to save my girl but when i reached to the room there was no fire. In fact there was even no burning smell. I was checking out my daughters bed- she was lying there..... oh my god! She was half burned! She wasnt the same girl anymore! Then i took my lighter and i started lighting the room. I wanted to burn the whole room. I was lighting the curtains, her luttle blanket.... Evrything seemed to take the fire at first... but it stopped eventually.
I ran out of the house to look help from my neighbours. I couldnt reach anyone. I was standing outside, in cold, half naked, wearing only my nightclothes.... There was noone to answer me. I was crying....
I went back home. And what i saw?! There were all of my neighbors! They were playing with my little daughter. I was looking at her face and it was unreal! She was looking at me half smiling, her face was melting.... her eyes looked dead and her skin was like a wax. I kept looking and everybody were around her and they kept hugging her and smiling to her and playing with her.
I looked away for a second and when i looked back again i saw a beautiful innocent face of a little child again.
**************************************************************************
Friday 6 February 2009
hello
... i haven't posted now for a while. nothing much really happening either. just lots of work :( if to be honest im getting tired of my work. really tired. i feel like i need a move. and as im into reading signs then they are really keep telling me to move on.
honestly. i have been really busy. been working really late hours every day and then coming home, checking my mails, organizing my photos (i have lots to do with them!) and then to sleep.
at the beginning in january i made my plan for the new year. i reviewed this couple of days ago. and im really doing well! I organised a trip to myself to Amsterdam for March :) Im taking long weekend off, already booked my flights and most important what i am going to do there is photography ofcourse :) im going to Amsterdam because i just need to travel and see the world :) even though this is just Europe but at least its a start! At the moment i just have a plan to see my old fiend there for first day and THEN i do not know yet. Probably renting bike and driving around and photographing
Also i recently bought from eBay loads of photography stuff as well- reflector, ir filter and ned lens! So im happy! This is my life and my passion at the moment! I have loads of ideas what to do :) I will post them soon!
Anyway. I would like to write more stories and do researches but i just do not have time.
This weekend im driving around little bit in Co Tipperary and then on Sunday i need to work and study photography. Thats it :) Keeps me happy. Even though there are million things i would like to do more!
Now im going to clean my room and rest. Work week was tough! Too tough.
Love and Peace!
PS. I promise not to take too long breaks from writing anymore. I feel empty if i cant write, i feel like im getting out of control and i feel like i need to keep track on my thoughts. Some of my stuff is hand written into my notebook. But i wouldnt post them now, after few weeks i wrote them. It wouldnt be the same.
honestly. i have been really busy. been working really late hours every day and then coming home, checking my mails, organizing my photos (i have lots to do with them!) and then to sleep.
at the beginning in january i made my plan for the new year. i reviewed this couple of days ago. and im really doing well! I organised a trip to myself to Amsterdam for March :) Im taking long weekend off, already booked my flights and most important what i am going to do there is photography ofcourse :) im going to Amsterdam because i just need to travel and see the world :) even though this is just Europe but at least its a start! At the moment i just have a plan to see my old fiend there for first day and THEN i do not know yet. Probably renting bike and driving around and photographing
Also i recently bought from eBay loads of photography stuff as well- reflector, ir filter and ned lens! So im happy! This is my life and my passion at the moment! I have loads of ideas what to do :) I will post them soon!
Anyway. I would like to write more stories and do researches but i just do not have time.
This weekend im driving around little bit in Co Tipperary and then on Sunday i need to work and study photography. Thats it :) Keeps me happy. Even though there are million things i would like to do more!
Now im going to clean my room and rest. Work week was tough! Too tough.
Love and Peace!
PS. I promise not to take too long breaks from writing anymore. I feel empty if i cant write, i feel like im getting out of control and i feel like i need to keep track on my thoughts. Some of my stuff is hand written into my notebook. But i wouldnt post them now, after few weeks i wrote them. It wouldnt be the same.
Monday 2 February 2009
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