MAKE LOVE NOT WAR

Oh and have a good and prosperous 2009. Hope all of you have a nice evening tonight.

..i am staying home and watching New Year Eve´s TV-programme :) I have been sick since Sunday and i cant really do anything (Estonian cold clima, painful throat, coughing, cold in my nose etc etc) ... I always find good time to get sick!
So now its like im really sick- my heart is broken, my health is gone and i have no money but my ex-landlord still looking something from me. Ha. I´ll go back to Ireland next year and sort all this shit out. Oh yees i have lots of shit to sort out. But anyway, no complains at all. Some songs are saying ”Life is Bitch and then you Die” and some songs are saying ”World is Yours...” but Mark Twain is saying: ”Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.”

HUGS AND KISSES! MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!

...tarot...

I have found my new hobbie. Now im reading tarot cards. I really feel good connection with my cards and i feel like they really open up to me and tell me a lot. Or maybe i just know people really well. Anyway more i practice better i will be.

I really really enjoy reading tarot cards and i really beleive what they tell me.

My brother thinks im crazy and wierd.

PS. If someone is intrested about my readings then please feel free to contact me on my e-mail. Im very good at it :)

Broken...

I have so many feelings hidden in my soul, i feel like i have lost the way how to express this. I wish i could know how to understand things and i wish i could analyze more. I have been researching some stuff about relationships from internet and looking for answers and looking for help.
Yes, my heart is broken. Yes, i am sad and yes, i feel like i want to cry. Im trying to let these bad feelings out and cry out all disappointment and pain. No, im not physically crying but my heart is heavy and my feelings are going up and down. Im not trying to control this anymore.

Im in Estonia. All my friends are here. I am dragging myself to go out and im dragging myself to do something. Soon i will be back at work in routine.
Im sick bird now and i have lost again. Now its time to move on and the best i can do is learn from my mistakes and forgive.
Yes, i am frogiving and i am letting the pain out. I am thinking about You every minute and missing You.
Sometimes i dont even want to get out from the bed in the mornings.
Sooo fucking hard.

Its my personal life. These are feelings im feeling and these are the thoughts im thinking.

I learnt a lot. I take all this on board and trying to get my heart back to one piece again.

What brings 2009?

Respect for Igor Mang- Estonian Astrologer:

Rotiaasta on lõppemas. Uueks valitsejaks on tulemas kollane maapühvel. Hetk, mil ta troonile asub, on 26. jaanuar kell 9.55. Valitsusaega, mis talle seadusega antud, jätkub 14. veebruarini 2010.
Lahkuv aasta oli põhiiseloomult öine, kuid pühvliaasta kujutab endast hommikut. Uue päeva algus sõltub mitte ainult eelmise päeva tegemistest, vaid ka möödunud ööst: košmaarne unenägu võib inimest päeva suhtes ettevaatlikuks muuta, ta võtab seda kui hoiatust.
Tõesti, läinud aasta tõi endaga üsnagi ehmatavaid sündmusi riikidevahelistes suhetes, nii välispoliitikas kui majanduselus: madalam majanduskasv, pankade kriis ja isegi eduka väikeriigi Islandi pankrotistumine, sinna juurde veel ootamatu sõda Gruusias.
Minu prognoos 2008. aasta kohta, kus nentisin, et aasta teine pool tuleb raskem ja kogu maailm peab heaoluühiskonna ehitamise asemel püksirihma koomale tõmbama, osutus kahjuks õigeks.
Kapitalism on kokku varisemasPühvliaasta peateema on ideoloogia, mis lähtub uuest maailmavaatest ning eluväärtuste süsteemist. Kõigil mõtlevatel inimestel üle maailma on selge, et liberaalse turumajanduse idee on ennast ammendanud, sellel edasi ratsutamine viib veelgi sügavamasse kriisi. Milton Friedman on majanduspjedestaalilt alla tõugatud!
Liberaalsed reformaatorid, kelle põhiidee oli "Võimalikult vähe riiki ja suurim vabadus ettevõtlusele", on läbi kukkunud. Just seal, kus oli tugev riik, tuldi pankade kriisiga paremini toime. Päästis riik kui turvalisuse süsteem.
Maia kalendri järgi pidavat maailma lõpp saabuma 21.12.2012. 1993. aastal Eesti Ekspressile antud intervjuus ütlesin, et pärast sotsialismi variseb kokku ka kapitalism. Maailma lõpp polegi midagi muud kui kapitalistliku süsteemi kokkukukkumine. Terroriakt 2001. aasta 11. septembril oli minu jaoks väga sümboolne. Purustati kaks torni, millest üks kujutas sotsialismi ja teine kapitalismi. Need on kaks venda, kelle papa on kuldvasika kummardaja Materialism ja mamma suur hoor Võltsdemokraatia.
Nende pojad on kauni loodusega maakerast teinud Stalkeri maastiku: kuivendanud sood, sundinud jõed tagurpidi voolama, reostanud veed, saastanud õhu, laastanud metsad, sõitnud tankide ja traktoritega läbi veekogude, katsetanud maapõues ja vee all tuumapomme, valanud maastiku üle asfaldi ja betooniga.
Jõhkrad tüübid on tõstetud eeskujuks (uued stahhaanovlased!). Pidevalt on täiustatud relvastust, et läbi viia massimõrvu, mis nüüdseks on jõudnud koolidesse ja kodudessegi.
Need kaks venda - sotsialism ja kapitalism - on kurjategijad, kes on üles ehitanud globaalse süsteemi otsekui Paabeli torni, mis on Jumala silmis jõle. See globaalne Paabeli torn nüüd kokku varisemas ongi.
Kapitalismi kokkuvarisemine üheaegselt kliima soojenemisega toob kaasa kaose, mille tagajärg on nälg. Näljast inimest ei juhi enam euroseadused, vaid toores instinkt, mis käsib ellu jääda. Süüakse kõike, mida kätte saadakse.
Läänemaailm pole enam ammu kristlik maailm. Seda islam Läänele ette heidabki.
Praegune sõda islamimaailmaga ei ole ristisõda nagu 1000 aastat tagasi, kui Lääs võitles Issanda haua vabastamise eest. Nüüd sõdib ta tooraine pärast ja selleks peab kasutama palgaarmeed. Puudub usuline entusiasm.
Hommikust õhtuni kõlab raadios ja TVs: "Osta, osta! Raha, raha! Kõik müügiks!" Kõik päevad on juba hullud päevad. Kas see pole märk viimsetest aegadest?
Sellele on nüüd tulemas lõpp. Paabeli torn juba kõigub ja maa väriseb. Saabumas on orkaan nimega Gustav II. Maakera telg on nihkunud ja vihmasajud lakkamatud, sest Emake Maa nutab hukkaläinud inimsoo pärast.
Kümme käsku tõusevad ausseTehkem silmad lahti ja vaadakem, mis toimub. Kas see pole juba apokalüpsis, mille eest prohvetid hoiatasid? Loomi ja inimesi kloonitakse, rakke muundatakse. Intellektuaalsed maniakid püüavad Jumala loomingut tehiskeskkonnaga asendada, sest nad arvavad suurushullustuses end Jumalast paremini luua oskavat. See on otsene sekkumine elu pühamusse ja tema saladustesse. Pühakirja eiratakse, seades ülimuslikuks oma partei või grupi huvid.
See ongi košmaarne unenägu, mille lõppu ootab iga tõeliselt Jumalat armastav ja tema loomingut austav hing.
Tuleb tagasi tulla pühakirja juurde. Maailma parlamendid ja meie Riigikogu ei pea seadusi välja mõtlema, vaid neid lihtsalt täitma ning nõudma ka rahvalt kümne käsu täitmist. Selles on kogu inimeseks olemise ja elamise seadus: armastada oma Jumalat üle kõige ja ligimest nagu iseennast. Ainult need kogudused, inimrühmad ja ökokülad, kus elukorraldus on määratud nende kahe esimese käsuga, jäävad elama ka pärast Paabeli torni kokkuvarisemist.
Siit kasvabki välja pühvliaasta ideoloogia sisu, mis on unustatud vana, aga õige.
Kommunistlik kord oli nii tume (religiooni ja müstika vastane), et hävitas vaimse eliidi, kiirendades nõnda tahtmatult oma süsteemi kokkuvarisemist. Kapitalism vaimset eliiti füüsiliselt ei hävita, aga ta marginaliseerib nad ära. Nii ta teeb ka kirikuga: teie koht on nurgas, rahuldage seal oma usulisi vajadusi! Suurkapitalistid see-eest teevad äri- ja eluseadusi.
Ühiskonna tugevus sõltub tema mitmekesisusest. Terves ühiskonnas on esiplaanil vaimuinimesed, mitte poliitika- või showmaailma vägevad. Ühiskonna vaimne eliit on nagu punased verelibled, mis võitlevad organismi terveksjäämise eest. Pätid, kurjategijad ja silmakirjatsejad kujutavad endast haigestunud rakke, mis viivad nii inimese kui kogu ühiskonna enneaegselt hauda.
Britannias ja Rootsis on vaimset eliiti rohkem, ilmselt ka Aasias või vähemasti Jaapanis, sest seal on monarhia säilinud, kuigi tänapäeva kuningate kroonid enam ei hiilga, sest pole tõelist imperaatorit. Alles on vaid tema vari, kes liigub mööda Euroopat ja nõuab mässajatele kättemaksu.
Õnneks on alles paavstitool ja auväärsed müstilised ordud.
Nüüd algavatel rasketel aegadel, mil ateistlik tsivilisatsioon kokku variseb, on läänemaailma ainus tee koonduda paavsti kui sakraalse printsiibi kandja ümber. Paavsti igavene ülesanne on tagada, et vabadus, müstikud ja pühakud maailmast ei kaoks. Tõsi, kõik paavstid pole selle eest hea seisnud.
Maailm vajab uut kevadetJuba ammu on räägitud keskaja renessansist. Tõesti, see saabub. Selles veendumiseks tasus vaid vaadata telesaadet "Selgeltnägijate tuleproov", kus žüriis olid auväärt akadeemik ja parlamendiliikmed. Jääb üle ennustada, millistes Riigikogu fraktsioonides võimekamad nõiad nüüd konsultandina tööle hakkavad! Miks ka mitte, maailmas on seda varemgi juhtunud.
Tulevasi aegu on lihtsam üle elada loodusrahvastel, olgu nendeks indiaanlased või Austraalia aborigeenid. Valge mehe tarkus enam ei aita.
Legendaarsete vendade Urbide kinnitust mööda olid hopi indiaan­las­te targad läinud aastal öelnud, et tuuled maa­­ilma muutmiseks on lahti lastud.
Tuleb taastada omanäoline elulaad, sest selles me oleme igavikulised. Oleme maa ja metsa rahvas, maalähedased pühvli­karjused, arhailised nagu baskid ja indiaanlased. Sellistel peab olema ka oma kuningas. Selline on minu sõnum olnud juba kakskümmend aastat. Nüüd on see ainus, mis meid aitaks.
Mida aga saab soovida kõikidele rahvastele? Austada oma isa ja ema, nii taevaseid kui maiseid, sest see tagab rahvale pika eluea.
Maailm vajab uut kevadet, nagu oli Euroopas renessansiajal või Goethe ja Schilleri ajal Weimaris. Peab sündima uus teaduse ja religiooni süntees.
Eesti ei vaja tuumajaama, see võrduks rahvusliku enesetapuga. Eesti vajab eelkõige poeete ja Platoni tasemel filosoofe, kes räägiksid lootuse ja elurõõmu tagasitulekust ühiskonda.
Poeedid on inimkonna vaimsed aristokraadid, nende rohkus ühiskonnas tähendab alati kevadet, ärkamisaega. Ei ole võimalik omada õilsat südant, kui seal puudub poeesia.
Planeedid moodustavad praegu pea­aegu samasuguseid aspekte nagu 1929. aastal ja 1930. aastate alguses, kui Ameerikas toimus börsi­krahh, mis halvas majanduse ka Euroopas.
Kuna Pluuto liikus 2008. aastal Kaljukitse märki, siis seda aastat saabki pidada kriisi algusajaks.
1930. aastail oli maailma olukord parem - kapitalism polnud veel globaalne ja tarvitamata oli üsna ohtralt ainelisi ressursse. Praegune olukord seevastu pole enam kriis, vaid juba katastroof, sest tegu on terve globaal­süsteemi kokkuvarisemisega.
Raske aeg kestab kuni 2023. aastani. Sel ajal liigub Pluuto Kaljukitses, mis valitseb süsteemide ja struktuuride üle, olgu see finants- või riigisüsteem. Pluuto hävitab selleks, et luua uut.
Alles 2023. aasta kevadel jõuab Pluuto Veevalajasse, mis on lootusrikas sõpruskondade märk. See aga ei tähenda, et siis kohe saabuks inimkonnale õnnelik aeg, mille all tavainimene ehk mõistaks kaupu täis kaubamaja... Selles mõttes kindlasti mitte.
2023. aastal on maailm ateistlik-demokraatlikest illusioonidest vabanenud. Kadunud on jutud inimõigustest, elatakse reaalsusega silmitsi. Elulaad muutub arhailisemaks ja seadused karmimaks, kusjuures seadusi saab olema palju vähem - ainult kümme käsku!
Surmanuhtlust kasutatakse sagedamini, sest ükski ühiskond ei hakka sellises olukorras ülal pidama parasiite ja kurjategijaid. Kõik hakkab rohkem meenutama keskaega kui tänapäeva. Ilmselt on inimesigi selleks ajaks maailmas vähem. Vabadusetunnet saab aga olema palju rohkem.
Head uut aastat ja jumalarahu soovides
Chev. IGOR MANG, astroloog

I had a syrrealistic night tonight. Nobody cant really see or feel my feeligns about it.

Just had a Kabanoss (for food) and got to go to sleep now.

Happy Xmas, happy holidays bla blabla and all that shit.

Speak tomorrow when i can feel more... hopefully.

Im not able to write when i am talking to someone at the same time.

Thanks. Nite Nite.

XXxxX

Questions, Questions, Questions

Do you beleive in Love? What is Love and how do you know you Love? Can Love hurt? Or should it be just happyness? Is it possible to Love and be consantly happy in this tough world?
Is it true that everyone has a soulmate and everyone has somebody out there?
What is happyness? And why are we sad sometimes?

Theres so many colours in the world. Its amazing. If there wouldnt be sadness then we probably wouldnt have so many so many beautiful songs and beautiful artwork or poems or stories.

all great stories, fairytales have something evil in them. There is adventure and brave people. People with values and sense of justice.

Do you beleive that there is always happy end? Like in fairytales.

Do we have to fight and be like a soldiers? Do have to stand up and fight for justice and help poor? Can we change the world?

There are almost 7 billion people in the world. Every one of then has different face and different mind and different character. So many emotions, thoughts, feelings. But they all want the same thing- just to be Happy. Simply Happy. They look for positive emotions, they try to scope with different things and they all try to survive.
But its not a fairytale where we are living. Its not always fair and its not always pleasant.
There are religions. Basically all the religins will teach you the same thing: Give the things to other people what you would like to get yourself. What you will give, that you will get.

Have you noticed sometimes that if you are around other people then you can see yourself from their behaviour. Because people unconsciously mirroring you. For example if you give them smile then they will mirror this back to you, if you give them sad looks, then they will mirror it for you and if you feel uncomfortable then they will feel the same.

There are questions that we never going to find an answer. Listen to your heart and smile. If you smile to the world then world will smile back to you and then sun is coming out behind the clouds and everything will be allright again.

If you know in your heart that you did the best you could and you didnt do anything bad and you didnt mean anything bad then this is what matters. And this what makes you happy.

All the best!

Today

Today i have been feeling confused. i just booked my ticket to Estonia. I will spend a day in Stockholm, Sweden as well. But. I cant spend anything as im sooooo broken. he he. Economy Crisis definitly makes my wallet empty. or is it just because i have been spending too much money on the phone...? Anyway. Here comes my New Years promise that i wont spend so much next year and i will save. I hate all kind of tomorrow and new year kind of promises. Because tomorrow never comes like i say, so we need to start today. and make quick and spontanious decisions.

Like i said i have been conufused today. I couldnt sleep last night and when i woke up i was upset. But then i told to myself. Calm down girl! Just take your notebook, make couple of calculations and think what you want.

After couple of researches from internet, a stupid movie and lots of cigarettes, i made my desicion.

************************************************

One of my favourite writers is Gunnar Aarma, he was Estonian spiritual man and wrote esotherical books about religions and energies and positive thinking etc.
Today i remembered his thought: "Always finish your thoughts, if you leave your thoughts unfinished then its like collecting a rubbish into your mind"

I tried this and its really working. I dont always remember to do this, but if i do remember then it really helps me to organise my thoughts. This is why i write my blog by the way.

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So i will be in Estonia for next couple of.... i dont know... days? weeks? Gonna meet you all my good old friends!

i already had my first xmas this year :)

Berit, Alan, Tamae

Berit, Tamae, Alan

Berit, Alan, Monika

Berit&Tamae

Berit and Parvez

Tamae (Lady from Japan- Mushi-Mushi)), Berit(EST),

Anna (Our Polish Lady), Julie (Lady from China),

Marjorie (Lady representing Philippines)

.. Enjoy your day- it will fly by!

... i feel like a dry cookie today.

brown paper bag

''

Step to the rhythm made out of brown paper, sounds entering of a different nature,

Rhythms get greater, And the rhythms they get greater, Yes another rough-a-tough

Four for the chaser, New configuration, New riff and New Structure

Built on the frame that'll hold the room puncture, Tight

We wrap it up, it's wrapped, tightly.

''

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

''

It lives, The bass is the army that it gives.

When we apply the breaks, There'll be no skids.

Just more elements to continue as we glide.

Dimensions & The Measurements and the evidence you will find

Change it, rearrange it so its regularly updated

Hits from every angle so expected the un-expected

Represent the fusion of the mind and stay connected

The star that is presenting, The size of the markers been indented

''

Delivering the style we give you so that means a mention

In your direction is the baron that we aimed, ascension

Instead the way the floor the stunner made a we invention

And then you get your moneys worth before you've even sensed it

Make you think a four figure for the whole nation

Send it down so one we know it with no discrimination

Like a safe with 50 locks, as many combination

No matter which way that you turn you reach the same destination.

''

The fullness of the spectrum, 360 keep it circling

Deep inside the flow is where its working it

Under lease, submerging it, time to make it go deeper

Way past the point that blows holes in your speaker

Under and over, take it over and under

First you get the lightning and then you get the thunder

The sound is the music and the music is the feature

''

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

''

Step to the rhythm made out of brown paper, sounds entering of a different nature,

Rhythms get greater, And the rhythms they get greater, Yes another rough-a-tough

Four for the chaser, New configuration, New riff and New Structure

Built on the frame that'll hold the room puncture, Tight

We wrap it up, it's wrapped, tightly.

''

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

BANG BANG

i was watching alpha dog last night. commercial shit i thought. i took this movie because i wanted to see something where i do not have to think and wanted to see something that is just easy going and keeps my mind away from my thoghts. i watching and watching and thinking that oh i am sooo over from these gangsta blabla movies. ok, movie was going on and on and they were going to kill the boy in a movie and i thought no way they wont do this and it will have this nice american happy ending story and thats that. BUT. THEY KILLED THE BOY. and i found out this was a true story actually. however killers got punishments they deserved,but it is one of the sadest killing stories i know.
**********
theres another movie that made me emotionally crazy. blood diamond. i have seen it 3 times and every single time at the end of the movie i have been crying my eyes out.

world could be such a beautiful place to live but theres so many awful things going on. deep human feelings. betraying. suspicions . love. hate.

im thinking what the hell im doing here? why the hell im here? what is the point to be here? i need to know who i am.

are these kind of movies necessary? most people probably watch them and forget them after couple of hours. but should we really forget them? can these movies make world better place? these stupid american movies like alpha dog or blood diamond that are costing millions of dollars to make. money is such a powerful thing.

im really thinking whats going on. who am i? 23 year old girl working in office. doing more than im getting payd. i have a boyfriend whos not with me at the moment and we kind of love each other which is hard to beleive sometimes. then i have a father in ireland. rest of my family is in estonia- my brother whos not doing much, my mother whos allright at the moment, my grandmother whos too much worried about everything all the time. and then my friends who are kind of allright people actually. at least i have been lucky to meet some really good peoplein my life but the problem is im not seeing them much which is crap really.

so here i am again. trying to get somewhere and feeling like im getting somewhere but then BANG! VA VA VOOOOM! and thats it. Just stops. Just like that.

Smeagol vs Gollum

If you know even a little bit about LOTR then you should know that Smeagol and Gollum are the same. Its Gollum's scizophrenic conversation with himself. Argument between Bad Himself and Good Himself. Reminds me myself at the moment :D

Gollum: We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No. Not master!
Gollum: Yes, precious, false! They will cheat you, hurt you, LIE.
Smeagol: Master is our friend!
Gollum: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you!
Smeagol: I'm not listening... I'm not listening...
Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.
Smeagol: No!
Gollum: *Murderer*.
Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: "Go away?" [Gollum laughs as Smeagol begins crying]
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum: Where would you be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: [stops crying] Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.
Gollum: What?
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
Gollum: No!
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back! [Gollum screams in frustration]
Smeagol: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK! [Gollum is silent]
Smeagol: [looks around] We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

constantly tired

Why am i so tired all the time...? Even if i have been sleeping well. It takes like 2 hours and 4 cups of coffees to wake up at work.
No, its not right and its not healthy. Jeeeesus i dont know if i need a vitamins or what?!
Seriously i think i need to change my life. If i quit this job i have now i promise im not gonna be so serious for a while. I will travel and see the world before :) Oh looking forward to it. Hopefully economy will go better too.

^^

by the way i will get internet tomorrow.

Hi. Its Berit here. Emotional Breakdown. he he.

... i hate this all at the moment. I hate everything. Im disappointed. You can be so good and nice to someone but they still turn their back to you and not even bother to say anything anymore. Not even a word. What a behaviour. Most of all they hurt themselves and noone really cant take these people seriously anymore.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Fucking hate this all. I hate i had to go though this stupid road. Fucking hate. Hate. Hate.


...No. Im not gonna be cold bitch now. Not at all. If i dont have to hear anything about you anymore i will be fine. Seems like its never gonna work out.
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...............im bloooody sad. Sad. Sad. Ahhh. Time will heal. Please dont contact. Please leave me alone. I have to get over. Its just sooo hard. Its so sad. Its so unreal. Why?Why?Why?

Not to think. Not to think. Not to think. Thats what im going to be. I wont think anymore.

Ahhhhh.. some release.

Had a busy day at work today. And very funny day. Im always finding these days funny when im overloaded with work. Its just a stupid reaction to start laughing in critical situations. Had to manage managers at work today. Heeee....! And i got the point how can you realise who is born to be manager and who is not. Im not a manager... yet. But today was wierd day where i had to manage managers. Its was a simple thing but it was brining out their character.
Sometimes if you give something to do for someone then some people are trying to understand for what and why they are doing this, but some people are just doing everything you told them to do. No questions. Like a monkeys.. or robots. So today i realised how hard is to manage managers. Heeeee...! But anyway. I enjoy being busy. Especially today. Especially for next.. hmm.. many many months.



And i promise. I wont write too much depressing emotions here anymore. Theres much more in my life than that.

LOVE YOU! PLEASE UNDERSTAND! LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU

Grr..

.. i hate when i cant write into my blog. So busy. And no internet at home. grr. I need this blog.

^^

Theres no end and no beginning in the circle

After i went home from work yesterday i was so tired that i just had couple of pices of chinese bread and a cigratte and lied down to bed. I wasnt really sleeping but i was kind of drifting beetween conscious and unconscious... this is the wierdest you can get. So my mind was free and fully up and running if i can say so. My mind was leading my thoughts to the beginning of everything. Yup sometimes im getting these days when im thing like this he he. So beginning of everything. My mind had a question "When people started hurt each other?" Who was the first person to hurt other person. And how this happened. Im guessing that this is human nature. But still i was imagnining the situation how somebody first hurt other person. I was imagining the times when people werent fully developed yet. I was even thininking about monkeys nowadays. Have you seen them hurt each other? Im not sure. But people's (Homo Sapiens) mind has emotions and higher needs than just eating and seleeping and having sex. They need attention, they need love and care, need to improve themselves. We all need this. But why do we hurt each other? Is it because we need always get something we want? I dont beleive that people are bad. I beleive theres something good in everyone. People just express themselves differently and sometimes just doesnt know how to deal with things. I am not going to speak about murderers and rapers here at the moment. This is another topic and i dont want to fell out from my current point.
Anyway. Why do we hurt each other? Even if we say we love. I guess love is something very few people have experienced because noone ever cant hurt the person he/she loves. Love is magical feeling and higher energy.
But still. People hurt eachother all the time. How this all started? I was imagining animal world. Do they hurt each other? Ofcourse they do! This is part of surviving. They have to do this.
So now im thinking i guess people have to do the same thing. Maybe they need to survive. Its hard to be a Homo Sapiens as we are created to be intelligent. And this is destroying us.
Look at the world. We have developed medicine (not as developed as old Egyptians had but still..) and we can save eacothers lifes (which animals cant do) but on the other hand we are destroying orselves. Tons of rubbish, tons of waste for example...
At the end of the day we are still in ancient process. And this is natural choice. Its simple- only strong will survive.
I could talk about disabled people here and wars and killing prisoners and abortions. There are so many different views about this. But like i already said at the end of the day we will always be part of natural choices and we keep hurting each other and we keep destroying ourselves. We dont know why it is necessary but nothing happens without reason. Everything is put in a place in a System. I cant see Human beings go so intelligent that they can fight with this- we all die one day and then born again. And thats how life is circulating. There is endless circles in life- theres no beginning for this and theres no end for this. Human brain cant understand this system.
Well i hope this makes sense what im trying to say here. He he my head is full of thoughts that i just have to orginise myself more and more so hopefully i can start giving better reviews soon.
I have no internet now at home so im kind of away from at the mo. Hope to get it installed soon.

The Head and The Neck

So there they are. Two of them. A match. Almost like a perfect match. A male and a female. They are from different societies. They like to be in control. They are so strong that they could be in charge. In charge of many many things. And they think like twins, reading almost eachothers thoughts. Which seems like perfect. But... They are both dominators. One of them has to step back, you think, or this just cant work because its too crazy. Some societies think that Women should be down and some societies have women in charge. This is the way it is. But it DOESNT have to be.

Men are the Head, but Women are the Neck. And necks are turning the heads. It sounds sneaky, i know. You might think that Necks are really in control because they show the direction? Or do you think the Heads are actually in control because they operate?

Well most of all its a team. What would be the point to be a Neck without the Head or Head without the Neck? If theres no Head then the Neck is lost and dont know where to turn and if theres no Neck then the Head cant turn. There cant be one without other.

Tomorrow Never Comes

Well... im not sure where to start today. Have been away couple of days from internet. He he. My emotions have been up and down. I used to go with a flow all the time, then i started thinking that i have to start making desicions, but now i am thinking that the best thing is to go with a flow again like im used to .. he he.
Allright. Here we go. I will start today. Not giving new year promises or not saying that im starting tomorrow... because tomorrow never comes. I will start TODAY.
I dont want to scream anymore, i dont want to cry, i dont want to fight with the stones and i dont want to be crazy and scizo. I just want to be me. Me- who am i? Im sure im not only one having this question. I will listen to my heart. My heart will tell me who i am and what do i want and what is right thing to do. No worries anymore.

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Just let it go. Stop being this crazy image in my life. Just let it go. Dont hold me back. Dont make me feel like im sick and i have to fix something. Dont make me feel like im not good enough. Dont stop me. Just let it go. Nothing really matters. There are so many more in the world. World is not small.

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I will stick to this.

www.berit.myphotoalbum.com

Sooo Goooood......

...is to have back my laptop!

This is Good

VOLUNTEER WORK IN PERU
INFORMATION BOOKLET


Teaching English Program
English speaking voluteers are needed to provide English lessons to Peruvian students at public schools and English schools. Students are from 6 to 20 years old and are from different levels of English language ability. Voluteers will work from Monday to Friday. 4 hours per day either in the morning or afternoon. Assist and teach English. This is what they need most help normally:

• The main goal is to improve the English pronunciation of every student
• Every volunteer has to bring down to Peru, arranged classroom games to do at the class
• You have to organize the club conversation with the English teacher.
• The club conversation is done according the grammar lessons.
• Also, you will check exams, quiz, dialogues, prctices, etc
• The first day of class, please tell the teacher to provide the books he/she uses at the class.
• Putting some time aside before each day to prepare can really make this time more enjoyable.

Fee, 4 weeks, $945 (its possible to stay 1-..... weeks)

Fee Covers:

• $200 application deposit
• 24/7 support from our staff
• Airport pick up
• Orientation
• Travel and Medical Insurance
• Accommodation
• Food (3 meals a day)
• In-country 24/7 support
• In-country administration costs
• Program supervision

Additional Costs

• Visa
• Flights
• Vaccinations
• Trips or tours you do while you are in the country
• Transfer back to the airport
• Spending money $35 per week approx.

www.volunteeringsolutions.com

Cheap flight airlines:

www.kayak.com, www.bargainbox.com, www.cheapflights.com

Yup.. thats in my future plans to do!

SnoW Butterfly

Anothe pic from Eesti! This is what we do when we have lot of snow, they are called Snow Angels or Snow Butterflies... Oh Love Snow and Miss Estonia!

SnoW in EESTI!!!!

Almost forgot! This picture is made today (?) in Estonia. WoW- the Snow!

Thanks for the picture Heili (and by the way your cat is REALLY FAT!)

:)

BHUTAN

...one of my dream locations where i wish to travel. Few years ago i read a book about it and i still remember the key sentence about this beautiful and peaceful country: "Bhutan is a happy pleace where nobody is sad. Everybody is happy. Even the dogs are happy. As soon as you get off from the plane you get happy and friendly dogs welcoming you".

Thats true. I started thinking about dogs in Estonia-the country where i am coming from. The truth is that people in Estonia are not the happiest at the moment because of the economy and history and bla bla bla. And the truth is that all the dogs are barking there all the time! Havent heard them barking so much even in Ireland.

Bhutan just seems to be one of the dream places...

Real Story

My family looks normal, it looks ok actually. But if to be honest it is not so normal after all. There is always been this different atmosfere in my family... By different atmosfere i mean psycological atmosfere, parapsycologigal if to be more particular...

When i was 16 i was planning to give out a Book. Book about Unexplainable Experiences- experiences that scientists and physics laws cant explain. I was collecting stories and experiences from different people. I was listening old women in sauna and i was interviewing different people. Everybody has their own opinion about life after death, reincarnation, parallel universes, time shifts etc. One of my best friends was absololutely against all of this. We had some really good arguements and discussions with her. Havent spoken with her now couple of years- miss her!

The magazines i was reading when i was a child were far from normal childs magazines. I used to read about near the death experiences, meditations, ufos, ghosts, angels etc etc etc....
Guess i head this kind of reading because my family was really into this. And obviously they HAD A REASON to be into this.

I met my father today and he reminded my one his strange story he has.

When he was a young boy, about 15-16, he went to the party where he met a Girl. Everybody were dancing in the hall and She was just sitting there alone and my father looked at Her and she looked pretty so he went and asked Her for a dance. So... they were dancing for a while. Unfortunately my father doesnt remember many details about this so its hard to write...
Anyway... From some point he sent Her home.. they were walking quite a while, couple of kilometers i think... until they stopped in front of the really old house , it wasnt looking really like someone could live there. My father asked a Girl: "Are you living here?", "Yes," She said. This was bit strange for my father so he kept asking "Are living here alone?", "No, not alone". "Are you living here with somebody? With your grandmother?", "No im not living with anybody," and She walked into the house. So this was little bit strange for my father. But he didnt feel awkard or anything like that.
So one week passed and my father kept thinking about this Girl and more he was thinking the more he felt that something is not right. He was even thinking about the clothes She was wearing and the way She was wearing Her hair... She was wearing a dress, oldfashioned dress, but at the time my father was young all the girls were wearing trousers and polos. Just the fashion thing at this time...
Anyway my father went back one week after the party to the house he had sent the Girl. House was still there... He met a really really old woman in the garden and he stepped closer and asked about the girl he had sent home last week. Old Lady said that she is been living for this house alone for years and havent seen any young girl as my father described. I beleive this was a Time Shift experience- will talk about this in my blog more.

This is the story my father told me and this is why i beleive this and this is why i want to know more and i want to think about these things. Because i beleive life is more than we see.
Im not looking for Answers because i know that human brain is not ready for the Answers. we only use about 25% of our brain and there like 75% more to use- its 3 times more than we use now.

End of story at the moment. This is the topic i am going to speak about here more and this is the topic i will research and i will think about.

Maybe i even can give out my book even one day...

PS. Hope you understand my English in this post and its clear enough to understand. I am improving myself :)

Damn!

Damn it! Its not enough that im thinking about you ALL the time, im even CALLING OTHER PEOPLE by your name. Damn it... Im so Hopeless.

BRAIN WRECK

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There was a Boy and there was a Girl. And thre was something that comforted their souls, this was unique and this was belonging only for that Girl and that Boy. Something really special. From dust to dawn they spent every single minute together... they shared eveything, they were laughing together like they never laughed before and they cried together like they never cried before. And so on and so on... Until... That Day. That Day came like a Judgement Day, maybe a Faith, maybe a Test or maybe... a Reality.
A Big and Thick Shadow came over. It stopped them to see, to hear and even feel. Mental Coma, a Mental Uncounsciousness. Never stop beleiveing.

***************************************************************

She was sent to the Earth with a Mission. She just knows as much as You do. She only knows a fact that she is on a Mission. What kind of Mission is that? Is it good.. or is it bad? Is it small or is it big...? Is it easy or difficult? What happens after the Mission? Is she going to die?
She is a Soldier but she doesnt want to be. If she could have only One Wish then she would wish to be Normal. Just like everybody else, part of a crowd. She wishes to be so normal that noone really would notice her.
But she knows that she is Special. One of the Soldiers.
She is soft, she is fragile and she is romantic. Special Soldier.

***************************************************************

Only Strong will Survive

...pffffffffffffffffffff 2

@ work. new haircut. all happy smiley and shiny. Just the Mask.

Behind the Mask... pffffffffffffffffff... continuing...

...pfffffffffffffffff....

argh. now im just angry, my mind is blocked and nothing's coming out of it. yup im emotional, yup im getting upset sometimes and yup i dont understand that Sick Humor sometimes. argh. my circle is getting full.

I started from somehere- it was a beginning of circle, now i have moved almost 360 degrees...
My next circle of my life begins soon... im not afraid. Looking forward for it. In Fact its so bloody close but i still have no idea what is going to happen... Its about 4 weeks time... BLOODY HELL.
Im not panicking
Im not panicking
Im not panicking
Im not panicking
Im not panicking

Love Art

Victor Safonkin

Maura Holden

Mark Ryden

Lori Earley

Karl Persson

Dan May

Dan May

Dan May

Andrew Gonzales

Andrew Gonzales

Andrew Gonzales

My Failure

HA. I have to come down from the coulds now and be realistic. Just letting you all know that i failed in my Accounts Courses Exam. WoW. Accounting is just not my thing... or actually it must be the irish tax system... excuses, excuses...

But will give it another try anyway...

This is a Message and a Story

This Bird is beautiful. Very very beautiful. Nice colours and shape... this Bird is intelligent, he is funny, he is emotional, he is spontanious, he is full of life and energy...! Almost perfect i have to say...
... but this Bird is sick. No... you cant see this. Its different kind of sickness... Its deep inside in him, sometimes You dont even realise... because the Bird doesnt show this... I think this Bird is lonely. He has a dreams, deep dreams...This Bird is very special and deep thinker and dreamer... Sometimes too hard to follow. Its hard not to love this bird but ... there is a But. This Bird is sick... he doesnt show himself to anybody, thers not many who has seen The Bird. He is hidden in a secret spot. How can we find him... We want to call this Bird to catch the Mothership before it leaves him behind. Mothership loves this Bird... deeply. Mothership wants to take this Bird and never let him go... But even Motherships cant wait forever, even if they have so much Love...
There are one Mothership and many Birds, but only one of them is Special. Only one of them CAN BE Special.
1,2,3,4,5,6.... and so on... seconds... seconds becoming for minutes, minutes are becoming for hours and hours for days... Motherships time is ticking... Time is ruthless- it can be your enemy or it can be your friend... Mothership wants to teach her Bird how to be friends with Time.

Keeps Turning

THIS is not about YOU anymore. THIS is about ME now. Yes... oh yes... it is about ME. About my soul, my life, my tears, my laugh, my bed, my WORLD. Trying to take this away..? Well. I am who i am , i feel what i feel and hear what hear and i see what i see.
There was a question. The hardest question you can think of... question WHY?
Why world keeps turning
Why do we eat
Why birds are singing
Why love hurts

I Love You. No... I mean I Love You. I mean YOU, My World... Planet Earth, the Sun, all the Colours, Music and Art...
Art of Life
Art of Love
Art of Nature
Art of Human Mind
Art of Philosphy
Anything you can think of.

...if i stop, i loose my feelings... If i stop, i loose my honour and if i stop, i loose respect.

World keeps turning... Never stops. Evrything keeps going and everything goes around.
Life goes around
Feelings...
Emotions...
Pain and happyness...

Some people are staying, some people are going... Noone shouldnt be left alone, everyone should have someone...

It never stops, deal with it, you have the tools.

How to be Happy

...this is a good question i guess...
this below is kind of good article actually... i think its possible to train yourself to be happy but most of all it is in your head and its positive thinking- it is true, doesnt matter how stupid it sounds. Some of these points are funny too....! Heeeeeeee...! Enjoy!

• Be as healthy as you can
  
• Recognise that happiness is a state of mind and not something which can be defined objectively.
  
• More importantly than anything else, live with a partner whom you love and respect and who feels the same about you. Kiss and cuddle and compliment often and regularly buy unexpected little gifts.
  
• Have a cat or a dog. Stroke often.
  
• Keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends.
  
• Conversely, if there is a person in your life who is a negative influence and who is dragging you down in some way, don't be afraid to get remove such a person from your life.
  
• Smile a lot. Smiles make you miles better - and you smiling will make others smile.
  
• Laugh a lot.
  
• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Honesty really is the best policy.
  
• Be politely assertive. Say how you feel and explain what you want. Friends and colleagues can't be mind readers.
  
• Give lots of compliments. You will make others feel good about themselves and find that this gives you pleasure too.
  
• Give small gifts to your friends. To give is even more pleasurable than to receive.
  
• Spend less than you earn- good to say, we all trying to do this!
  
• Use your credit card as a convenient way to pay for your major expenditures on a monthly basis - not to obtain credit at an outrageous level of interest.
  
• Don't gamble. There's enough uncertainty in your life without you adding more - and anyway, in the long run, you can't win. (A little flutter on the lottery is allowed.)
  
• Give regularly to the charities of your choice.
  
• Wear the most expensive after-shave (usually men!) or perfume (usually women!!) you can afford.
  
• Get your hair done. This will always make you feel better about yourself.
  
• Surround yourself with pleasant smells. Have flowers, pot-pourri or scented candles in most rooms of the house and in your office.
  
• Stay close to nature.
  
• Read a quality newspaper on a daily basis. Learning is fun and the easiest way to learn is to check out news and features each day so that, over time, your knowledge and interests grow and deepen.
  
• Take a weekly or monthly magazine reflecting a personal interest. You'll come to really look forward to each new issue, like a visit from a friend.
  
• Read regularly and widely. Good fiction will widen your vocabulary and put you in touch with your emotions, while a range of non-fiction will extend your knowledge and interests.
  
• Listen to some good music.
  
• Treat yourself often to something 'cheap and cheerful' that you like - chocolates, flowers, a magazine, a cake, a CD. It costs little and you're worth it.
  
• Stretch yourself physically. At the mimimum, regularly go for a brisk walk - it will raise your spirits. If you can, join a gym and take more vigorous exercise - it will make you feel good and lengthen your life.
  
• Stretch yourself mentally. Go on courses on different subjects - they don't have to be academic courses (they can be at your local college) and they don't have to be long (they can be as short as a day or even half day).
  
• Stretch yourself geographically. Go to places you've never seen before. Even in your home town, try taking a different route than usual and notice the different locations that you've never seen before.
  
• Do something you've never done before, like visiting a particular art gallery or museum or going to a ballet or opera (or even just taking a different route to a familiar location).
• Keep a diary or journal. It will give structure to your life, an easy way to revisit good times, and a reminder that bad times don't last.
  
• Take lots of photos. You'll love looking at happy times and old friends.
  
• Have a political vision on how to create a better world - and do something to make that vision more of a reality.
  
• One way of dealing with a difficult problem is to imagine how you will feel about that problem next week, next month, next year. Now try to bring those feelings into the present. It will give you a sense of perspective. Problems rarely look so formidable in retrospect.
  
• If you are uncomfortable or frightened about a situation, try to take yourself to a mental safe place which you have previously created in your mind and where you feel relaxed and comfortable. It might be an imaginary garden or beach or just an image of your study or bedroom.
  
• Whatever your age, it's never too young to start planning your retirement. Regularly increase your mortgage repayments and pension contributions - this is a sensible use of the money you don't need for current expenditure and it will increase your longer-term lifestyle options.
  
• Make a will, detailing the arrangement for your funeral and the dispersion of your assets. The only thing certain about your life is that it will end, so have peace of mind that the circumstances that follow your death will as far as possible be as you wish them to be.
  
• Make arrangements to donate your organs on your death. That way, even your leaving of this world will give something special to others.
  
• If all else has failed, view this video: click here
  

aww.....mooooomins

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me ...? Can you hear me... im screaming...! Im screaming but your eyes are still pointed away... its like you are looking through me. You see me but you cant hear me... even if im screaming...
When i was a teenager i always used to have these bad dreams that im trying to run but my legs dont move or im trying to look but my eyes are getting foggy or im trying to speak but my throat is stuck. Now i know what does it mean.


...just realised half an hour later that... sometimes you should take deep breath and shut up if you want someone to hear you... sometimes you should back off and go back before you can go forward. If you go down then later you go more higher again...

Life is more than meets the eye

Many children remember their past lives-spontaneously, without hypnosis or prompting. Some as young as two and still in diapers blurt out, "I remember when I died before" or "My other mommy had curly hair". They often describe details that they had no way of learning in this life. Some remember startling personal details of relatives who died before they were born.
Only recently here in the West have children's past life memories been researched and documented. These memories have long been accepted in other cultures. Now we know that these memories happen naturally to young children in all countries of the world, regardless of the beliefs of their parents. They can happen any time to any very young child, but parents often don't notice because they don't know it's possible or don't know what to look for.

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If there's only a fixed number of souls, how has the world population increased?

This is often heard from people who don't believe in reincarnation. First, if people don't believe in reincarnation, why would they believe in a limited number of souls? And one has to ask such people why they really expect that there is a limit to life within in the universe. However having said that, it is interesting to note that as man's population has increased, the animal kingdom has gradually been decimated - and that is where some mystics say human souls gradually evolve upwards from. (Note the most plentiful forms of life on the planet are insects, and think of the amount of forest humankind has destroyed since the dawn of civilisation.) Also of note, highly advanced Yogis state that life exists on many other places in the unlimited expanse of the universe, in which case the planet Earth would be only one of many places for souls to inhabit.