Have you ever woke up in a morning being angry? That's what happened with me this morning.
My alarm went off 06.30 am- it was dark outside... I pushed it forward until 07.00 am- still tired. Finally got up about 07.15 am. Well.... got my cup of coffee and a toast and then checked the clock just in case as we had to turn the clocks this weekend. My clock was OK- pheww. Then my Brain started working on full power- so many thoughts about so many things! After that i started feeling angrier and angrier. I had to dress up for work. I didn't know what to wear. Then broke the hanger. Shit im late!
Finally reached to the office and had to ring to Mr. A, but i accidently rang to Mr. B... In the kitchen- no milk, no coffee. Where are the reports? Why did i do this and why DIDNT i do that? Shut Up. Still Angry. My colleague rings me and asks something and im like umm ummm.... im not sure actually and then she asks if im ok and if im crying. Well i wasnt that bad!
All these small things just happen to come up when you are down and feel bad. Negativity attracts more negativity.
I was trying to find a reason why i woke up being angry this morning? Maybe its because i saw a war in my dream, maybe because im reading a book about jewish and how they had to hide from the Germans, or maybe because im worried about someone, or maybe because im not fast enough or smart enough or strong enough or ... whatever reasons i can find.
...also my nose has been bleeding a lot last 4 days. Which is strange because my nose doesnt bleed usually. Probably i need more vitamins or something, anyway i will ring to my doctor tomorrow... just in case, never cant be too careful.
Or maybe i have some kind of energy bubble around me that is making all bad things happen when im mad, its almost like im a Carrie (the witch girl from a movie). he he. Actually im not serious with this Carrie-thing, she was creepy and im not creepy.
Monday 30 March 2009
Wednesday 25 March 2009
words
i just wanted to say that i have nothing to say today, so why am i saying that, why am i bother to say a word if i have nothing to say. because words are like bullets, they go through and they leave a mark, if you have no words and nothing to say then probably you shouldn't even say that you have nothing to say. or you have nothing to give, no words to give as there are no thoughts to think. and if there's no thoughts to think then probably there's nothing left, so im still thinking why do i say this. maybe i want to be someone who looks like she has something to say but actually its like everyday same old, same old...
i create the picture but theres nothing out there but im still creating it because im feeling like i have to do it as if its like the same if i have nothing to say but i still say and express....
she said, he said, she thought, he thought, i thougt and i said and they said and thats how it goes....
same old, same old.
inspiration is here, spring is here, peace is here.
i create the picture but theres nothing out there but im still creating it because im feeling like i have to do it as if its like the same if i have nothing to say but i still say and express....
she said, he said, she thought, he thought, i thougt and i said and they said and thats how it goes....
same old, same old.
inspiration is here, spring is here, peace is here.
Sunday 22 March 2009
quality time
Saturday 21 March 2009
Friday 20 March 2009
Wednesday 18 March 2009
back in business
....im so happy that i feel i don't fit into this small room, im so happy that i cant sit in one place and im so happy that i feel i could grow wings and fly and go though the walls and fire and move the mountains!
... it's all about environment! feng shui, im telling you!
**************************************************************************************************
Van Gogh, Remrandt, Anne Frank, Richard Avedon, Robot Elektra, boats and bikes, weed and coffee shops, graffiti, Madame Tussaud, Dam Square, Red Light District, prostitues and pimps, crackheads and stoners, hippies and businessmen, cheesecakes and cheese, books and cafes, supercomfy Schipol Airport, and lovely people with funny language with exclamation mark (!) at the end of every sentence- these are just some things i experienced on my short trip to Amsterdam.
Pictures and stuff will follow. Tomorrow. Still tired today, but Happy. Yes.
Peace and Love~!
X
... it's all about environment! feng shui, im telling you!
**************************************************************************************************
Van Gogh, Remrandt, Anne Frank, Richard Avedon, Robot Elektra, boats and bikes, weed and coffee shops, graffiti, Madame Tussaud, Dam Square, Red Light District, prostitues and pimps, crackheads and stoners, hippies and businessmen, cheesecakes and cheese, books and cafes, supercomfy Schipol Airport, and lovely people with funny language with exclamation mark (!) at the end of every sentence- these are just some things i experienced on my short trip to Amsterdam.
Pictures and stuff will follow. Tomorrow. Still tired today, but Happy. Yes.
Peace and Love~!
X
Friday 13 March 2009
10 things to do in Amsterdam
1 CULTURE FIX
You either love them or hate them, but with so many to choose from, there has to be a museum here for you somewhere.
2 CHILL OUT AT NEMO
When the sun’s shining, there’s nowhere quite like NEMO to relax while you catch some rays. Designed by famous architect Renzo Piano and home to Amsterdam’s Science and Technology Centre (for when it’s raining), in the summer months the “deck” of the huge green “ship” turns into an outdoor terrace. This comes complete with big beanbags, DJs playing chilled tunes, table service, tapas-style snacks and a mini-beach. Could it get much better? Oh yes it could – there’s amazing views of the city too.
3 GET HIGH IN A COFFEE SHOP
Smoking cannabis isn’t legal in Amsterdam, but it has been decriminalised, which means you can walk into any coffee shop and buy up to five grams per visit. You’ll find a menu at the bar with descriptions like, “nicely stoned” and “psychedelic high”, handy if you don’t want to end up passing out after one toke. Staff are always happy to advise you, so don’t be afraid to tell them exactly what you’re after. Space cakes and shakes are also offered by many places – a good alternative to joints, but they take a while to kick in, so be patient!
4 BE A VIP AT THE TUSCHINSKI CINEMA
Situated on the not-so-beautiful Reguilerbreestraat, the Pathé Tuschinski is an amazing feat of Art Deco elegance.
5 HANG OUT IN THE JORDAAN
With its maze of narrow streets, 17th-century canal houses, rich history, listed buildings, quirky boutiques and bars, the Jordaan is one of Amsterdam’s most popular areas – not just with the artists and designers who frequent the district, but with people wanting to experience a true piece of Amsterdam.
6 SEE A GIG
It’s not often you can get so close to bands like The
Streets, The Roots, Jools Holland, Jurrasic Five, Willie
Nelson and Supergrass.
7 DISCOVER KNSM EILAND
Modern, hip and in stark contrast to the quaint canal houses the city is famed for, carry on past Centraal Station and NEMO until you get to the Brouwerij ‘t IJ.
8 SAMPLE SOME DUTCH DELICACIES
You can find just about any type of cuisine in Amsterdam; from Indonesian, French and Surinamese to Turkish, Spanish or Ethiopian. But if it’s real Dutch food you’re after, order a plate of borrelhapjes (bar snacks) and expect to get lumps of cheese, olives, bitterballen (deep fried balls coated in breadcrumbs, served with a mustard dip), kroketten (deep fried meat or cheese croquettes) and raw slices of meat – not such a good option for the veggies amongst you!
9 TAKE A TRIP OUT OF TOWN
Cycle 20 minutes along the mighty Amstel, to the south of the city centre, and find yourself surrounded by country estates, rolling green fields, families posing on boats of all shapes and sizes, and Dutch countryside that could easily have featured in one of Rembrandt’s paintings.
10 GO TO VONDELPARK
Walk five minutes away from Leidseplein and you’ll find yourself in Vondelpark – Amsterdam’s most popular green space.
**************************************************
I'll see what will i do and dont do :) I'll be on my way to airport now! Will be back on Tuesday!
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Nearly There!
Its no point to try too hard and push too hard, its no point to think too much. I like the way my friend said yesterday in middle of the dinner: " I love myself!" and then i was looking at her and she said: "Seriously, i love myself!".
She is been single now for 3 years and she said that shes learnt to know herself and she knows what she is doing and what she wants from life, she just had so much time for herself only. And she is telling herself every morning: "Im positive, im helping others, im happy!" (word power and its really working!)
I was thinking... damn i have been single for 3 months after 5 years and im actually loving it as well. And i told her: "I have still little way to go to reach the level where im REALLY loving myself, but im nearly nearly there!".
I really see how much some things can hold you back sometimes and how much time we actually need for ourselves. Its hard to be with someone if you really still learning to deal with yourself. Its hard to make a commitment, and i see now it will not work this way like i have been doing so far.
...oh well, im nearly there....~!
She is been single now for 3 years and she said that shes learnt to know herself and she knows what she is doing and what she wants from life, she just had so much time for herself only. And she is telling herself every morning: "Im positive, im helping others, im happy!" (word power and its really working!)
I was thinking... damn i have been single for 3 months after 5 years and im actually loving it as well. And i told her: "I have still little way to go to reach the level where im REALLY loving myself, but im nearly nearly there!".
I really see how much some things can hold you back sometimes and how much time we actually need for ourselves. Its hard to be with someone if you really still learning to deal with yourself. Its hard to make a commitment, and i see now it will not work this way like i have been doing so far.
...oh well, im nearly there....~!
Monday 9 March 2009
Sunday 8 March 2009
blah
There was one more religion i tried to add and this is Estonian Native Religion, but every time i tried to add this, im getting an error message. Its like there are some secret codes against this religion! Blaaaaaaaaaaaah. Its too late now, but i WILL write about ESTONIAN NATIVE RELIGION next week!
Sweet Dreams
xxXx
Sweet Dreams
xxXx
Religions and Me
I believe in God. Not that usual God that Christians/ Muslims/ Hindus etc believe. They have Jesus, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva etc etc.
When i was a teenager i created my own religion or better to say beliefs- i believed that i have an Angel who is looking after me and sometimes i was talking to my Angel. I always wanted to thank my Angel when i was doing well. And i was asking directions when i was feeling lost. Basically my beliefs have been a big mixture of world religions...
Im trying to discover different religions and i'm reading bits and pieces of them... Couple of days ago i had a discussion about satanism. At first i didn't want to hear about it anything but surprisingly it was interesting discussion. Also i have had many discussions about Hindu religion (which i love), Buddhism and Islam. They all are interesting and have the same line: give the things that you would like to get yourself.
Its funny how similar all religions actually are but people just read and express them so differently. And how many wars over them!
What i like about Buddhism?
I like the idea of reincarnation and getting ourselves ready for Nirvana, since very very young age i have been believing into this. Also i like that they dont have any specific god(s), it is more like a philosophy.
Hinduism
They have lots of Gods. There are 3 basic Gods: Brahma-The Creator, Vishnu- The Protector, Shiva- The Destroyer.
I like the idea of Karma - The universal law that every deed has a consequence that will come back to the doer. Good actions will reap good life circumstances and bad ones will do the opposite. The cumulative effect of one's karma can influence one's position in future rebirths.
Scientology
This one of the new age religions. I don't know about it much but i know its very new and science frictional religion which i usually like. This religion believes that souls will reincarnate and have lived on other planets before living on Earth. You can find lots of similarities in Hinduism and Scientology.
Islam
I like that they believe in angels. They believe that they exist and interact with human lives. They are comprised of light, and each have different purposes or messages to bring to earth. Each man or woman has two angels who record his actions; one records good deeds, the other bad deeds.
Islam teaches the continued existence of the soul and a transformed physical existence after death. There will be a day of judgment and humanity will be divided between the eternal destinations of Paradise and Hell.
Judaism
Judaism is a monotheistic religion. Jews believe there is one God who created and rules the world. This God is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing) and omnipresent (in all places at all times). God is also just and merciful. For most Jews, all things on earth are to be enjoyed by man now, not later in Heaven.
Animism
The basis for animism is acknowledgment that there is a spiritual realm which humans share the universe with. The concepts that humans possess souls and that souls have life apart from human bodies before and after death are central to animism, along with the ideas that animals, plants, rocks, thunder, river, mountains have spirits.
Taoism
The goal of everyone is to become one with the Tao. Tai Chi, a technique of exercise using slow deliberate movements, is used to balance the flow of energy or "chi" within the body. People should develop virtue and seek compassion, moderation and humility. One should plan any action in advance and achieve it through minimal action. Yin (dark side) and Yang (light side) symbolize pairs of opposites which are seen through the universe, such as good and evil, light and dark, male and female. The impact of human civilization upsets the balance of Yin and Yang. Taoists believe that people are by nature, good, and that one should be kind to others simply because such treatment will probably be reciprocated.
******************************************************
I have had a my own philosophy for years (i have to translate this now from Estonian): If there is a Big Evil in something, so evil that all the flowers are dieing, we cant say that this is BAD, because even Evil has its own story. Everything has a reason: to be and to miss something that you cant have. Don't judge something that you don't understand. Simple isn't it?
...and so my journey goes on...
When i was a teenager i created my own religion or better to say beliefs- i believed that i have an Angel who is looking after me and sometimes i was talking to my Angel. I always wanted to thank my Angel when i was doing well. And i was asking directions when i was feeling lost. Basically my beliefs have been a big mixture of world religions...
Im trying to discover different religions and i'm reading bits and pieces of them... Couple of days ago i had a discussion about satanism. At first i didn't want to hear about it anything but surprisingly it was interesting discussion. Also i have had many discussions about Hindu religion (which i love), Buddhism and Islam. They all are interesting and have the same line: give the things that you would like to get yourself.
Its funny how similar all religions actually are but people just read and express them so differently. And how many wars over them!
What i like about Buddhism?
I like the idea of reincarnation and getting ourselves ready for Nirvana, since very very young age i have been believing into this. Also i like that they dont have any specific god(s), it is more like a philosophy.
Hinduism
They have lots of Gods. There are 3 basic Gods: Brahma-The Creator, Vishnu- The Protector, Shiva- The Destroyer.
I like the idea of Karma - The universal law that every deed has a consequence that will come back to the doer. Good actions will reap good life circumstances and bad ones will do the opposite. The cumulative effect of one's karma can influence one's position in future rebirths.
Scientology
This one of the new age religions. I don't know about it much but i know its very new and science frictional religion which i usually like. This religion believes that souls will reincarnate and have lived on other planets before living on Earth. You can find lots of similarities in Hinduism and Scientology.
Islam
I like that they believe in angels. They believe that they exist and interact with human lives. They are comprised of light, and each have different purposes or messages to bring to earth. Each man or woman has two angels who record his actions; one records good deeds, the other bad deeds.
Islam teaches the continued existence of the soul and a transformed physical existence after death. There will be a day of judgment and humanity will be divided between the eternal destinations of Paradise and Hell.
Judaism
Judaism is a monotheistic religion. Jews believe there is one God who created and rules the world. This God is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing) and omnipresent (in all places at all times). God is also just and merciful. For most Jews, all things on earth are to be enjoyed by man now, not later in Heaven.
Animism
The basis for animism is acknowledgment that there is a spiritual realm which humans share the universe with. The concepts that humans possess souls and that souls have life apart from human bodies before and after death are central to animism, along with the ideas that animals, plants, rocks, thunder, river, mountains have spirits.
Taoism The goal of everyone is to become one with the Tao. Tai Chi, a technique of exercise using slow deliberate movements, is used to balance the flow of energy or "chi" within the body. People should develop virtue and seek compassion, moderation and humility. One should plan any action in advance and achieve it through minimal action. Yin (dark side) and Yang (light side) symbolize pairs of opposites which are seen through the universe, such as good and evil, light and dark, male and female. The impact of human civilization upsets the balance of Yin and Yang. Taoists believe that people are by nature, good, and that one should be kind to others simply because such treatment will probably be reciprocated.
******************************************************
I have had a my own philosophy for years (i have to translate this now from Estonian): If there is a Big Evil in something, so evil that all the flowers are dieing, we cant say that this is BAD, because even Evil has its own story. Everything has a reason: to be and to miss something that you cant have. Don't judge something that you don't understand. Simple isn't it?
...and so my journey goes on...
Viva La Estonia- EESTI
Im so proud of my little Estonia- Eesti! Within last month we keep winning gold medals in sports!
Women's Long Jump- WE WON YESTERDAY!
Ksenija Balta, 6.87 metres - GOLD
Heptathlon- WE WON TODAY!!
Mikk Pahapill, 6362 overall points- GOLD
Skiing, 15 km- WE WON ON 21.02.09
Andrus Veerpalu, 38.54,4, GOLD
what a weather
there's some weather outside! yesterday was so warm that i wasn't wearing my coat and today is raining and snowing.... at the moment sun is shining. Welcome to Ireland!
Mostly i had indoor activities this weekend. Im sick as well and i want to be in good form next weekend as im traveling to Amsterdaaaaaaaaam!!
Mostly i had indoor activities this weekend. Im sick as well and i want to be in good form next weekend as im traveling to Amsterdaaaaaaaaam!!
Thursday 5 March 2009
The Real Will
If everybody are telling you don't do it, are you still going to do it?
Can you trust yourself? Even if you know that you don't want something but you are afraid that you are not strong enough to resist? Can you resist still? Can you do the right thing?
Words are powerful. Some like to play with us like we are just a little puppets.... some don't take an interest about the feelings we have. Some are doing what they like. Because its about THEM.
There are some words that have been said and there are some things that have been done. These cannot be forgiven. Only a Real Will would help. Real Will is so strong that it can move the mountains. If we want, we could do that. Its all about believing. If you truly believe, you will get The Will. And you will get ALL.
Can you trust yourself? Even if you know that you don't want something but you are afraid that you are not strong enough to resist? Can you resist still? Can you do the right thing?
Words are powerful. Some like to play with us like we are just a little puppets.... some don't take an interest about the feelings we have. Some are doing what they like. Because its about THEM.
There are some words that have been said and there are some things that have been done. These cannot be forgiven. Only a Real Will would help. Real Will is so strong that it can move the mountains. If we want, we could do that. Its all about believing. If you truly believe, you will get The Will. And you will get ALL.
Tuesday 3 March 2009
WHATS HAPPENING..? (im upset)
Im a 23-year old girl. Yes, im saying girl as im still considering myself as a girl. Not a woman. I think i have lots of time to be a woman. he he. i like being A GIRL. A Girl who is just off doing her own Thing.
I want to be single. Not forever but for a while. At the moment im thinking "No men, no cry".
One day obviously i want to get married, to have children and house and cats. Maybe a dog as well. Goldfishes. And maybe a sheep...? Or maybe even a chickens! he heh.
Ok back to the present.... At the moment I will block ALL. When will i be ready- i dont know.
All i do, i do only for myself and noone cant do it like i want to do it. Im not ready for commitment, im not ready for considering with someone else.
Last 5 years i have been constantly in relationships (no time for myself) and none of them have worked out. And i always beleived that i have found MY LOVE. I was really ready to give everything! So much LOVE i can feel to someone! But men, they just dont appreciate this.
I was telling this couple of days ago to my friend. She said that men dont realize when they have something good in hand, and they will realize this later and then come back. Seems like its true. They start realizing things when its too late.
I cant go back.
I have been feeling SUPERGOOD last 4 weeks, i was almost over of everything, i have made lots of new friends, my inspirational levels are higher than ever and i am actually finally doing VERY good job in office.
BUT. Now something is sneaking back to my life and im getting stressed and confused and sad over this. WHy....??! Why i just cant be happy?! How can i know what i feel...
I cant be pushed away and then pulled back. Hey! Im a human. Im a 23-year old girl. I am a simple girl. Im NOT READY.
Leave me alone, back off and DONT cofuse me!
... i want to cry... Is that normal..? Or maybe this is some kind of psycopathic evil game...?
I want to be single. Not forever but for a while. At the moment im thinking "No men, no cry".
One day obviously i want to get married, to have children and house and cats. Maybe a dog as well. Goldfishes. And maybe a sheep...? Or maybe even a chickens! he heh.
Ok back to the present.... At the moment I will block ALL. When will i be ready- i dont know.
All i do, i do only for myself and noone cant do it like i want to do it. Im not ready for commitment, im not ready for considering with someone else.
Last 5 years i have been constantly in relationships (no time for myself) and none of them have worked out. And i always beleived that i have found MY LOVE. I was really ready to give everything! So much LOVE i can feel to someone! But men, they just dont appreciate this.
I was telling this couple of days ago to my friend. She said that men dont realize when they have something good in hand, and they will realize this later and then come back. Seems like its true. They start realizing things when its too late.
I cant go back.
I have been feeling SUPERGOOD last 4 weeks, i was almost over of everything, i have made lots of new friends, my inspirational levels are higher than ever and i am actually finally doing VERY good job in office.
BUT. Now something is sneaking back to my life and im getting stressed and confused and sad over this. WHy....??! Why i just cant be happy?! How can i know what i feel...
I cant be pushed away and then pulled back. Hey! Im a human. Im a 23-year old girl. I am a simple girl. Im NOT READY.
Leave me alone, back off and DONT cofuse me!
... i want to cry... Is that normal..? Or maybe this is some kind of psycopathic evil game...?
Sunday 1 March 2009
Sprrrring is almost here....!
I saw flowers outside already here in Ireland!
And its still snowing in Estonia and its so cold!
And its still snowing in Estonia and its so cold!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
