Stress and Strange Dreams

...just a light one. Not that killing stress. Its that kind of a stress that is bringing you on not putting you down.
I need to do more, more, more and MORE.


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I had a strange dream tonight. I was walking in the mall with my husband (obviously i do not have a husband or not even a boyfriend in my life at the moment)... and he was going to look something like a special cheese or whatever... and when he came back he was bringing a child with him and told me "Look darling, i found a daughter for us," and smiling happily. I felt good about it but for a second i was feeling strange shadow running across my mind. But just for a second and then it was gone.
So we left from the mall to go back to home and we took a walk through the town. Little girl was jumping around and playing happily. Again, i felt that same strange shadow crossing my mind.
And i again i let it go within a second. I even noted that people kept looking us while we were walking.
By that time when we arrived home i was alone. My husband was gone away and i never saw him again. It was only me and my mall-daughter. I loved her but at the same time i got these one-second shadows crossing my mind and i felt guilty about these because i didnt know why do i feel it, even though i knew everything had gone down-the-hill after we had found that little girl: i knew that i had lost my husband, i was living in a very poor apartment. And i seemed to have only one obsession- my hate and my love- this little girl. In my heart i knew something is not right and i knew something had changed rapidly in my life...
At THAT night i put my daughter to bed. Looking her while she was sleeping she seemed so calm and so beautiful... And then i felt like i didnt want her to wake up anymore. Again, i felt guilty about this thought....
Leaving her to sleep i was going outside to get some fresh air and enjoy the silence and peace. Suddenly isaw a red light. It was coming from the room where my baby girl was sleeping! Fire! There was a fire! In THAT room! How.....?!
Quickly i was running to save my girl but when i reached to the room there was no fire. In fact there was even no burning smell. I was checking out my daughters bed- she was lying there..... oh my god! She was half burned! She wasnt the same girl anymore! Then i took my lighter and i started lighting the room. I wanted to burn the whole room. I was lighting the curtains, her luttle blanket.... Evrything seemed to take the fire at first... but it stopped eventually.
I ran out of the house to look help from my neighbours. I couldnt reach anyone. I was standing outside, in cold, half naked, wearing only my nightclothes.... There was noone to answer me. I was crying....
I went back home. And what i saw?! There were all of my neighbors! They were playing with my little daughter. I was looking at her face and it was unreal! She was looking at me half smiling, her face was melting.... her eyes looked dead and her skin was like a wax. I kept looking and everybody were around her and they kept hugging her and smiling to her and playing with her.
I looked away for a second and when i looked back again i saw a beautiful innocent face of a little child again.

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